Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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