How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
