We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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