I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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