They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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