If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
