I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize