Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
