I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
