Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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