I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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