Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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