You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize