Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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