So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
