She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
