Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
