Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
