My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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