Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
