OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Boobs speak an international language.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
