I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
