so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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