i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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