Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Let's get the cat blown out
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
