So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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