The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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