I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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