Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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