CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
