So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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