Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Are we still banned from the library?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
