false alarm. still invincible.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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