I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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