DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
