i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
