i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
And then he peed in my hair
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