we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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