Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
