Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
