I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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