shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
