I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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