Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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