So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
