I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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