I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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