you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
