its not stalking. its research.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm getting married
To pizza
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize