Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
