if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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