Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
