i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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