Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
