I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
