Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
