If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
