Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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