Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
