There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
