You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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