I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
