im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
