so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize