Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
