oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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