I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize