So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
