we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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