mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
