Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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