Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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