i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
