Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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