If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
