my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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