Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
