Yo dont text me then not text me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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