KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
